Let's Try This......

Let me first start by saying I absolutely love my doctor.  He is wonderful.  My frustration is coming from my pain and the unanswered questions from that.  I went to the doctor this morning.  He gave me a copy of the pathology report from my surgery and showed me the pictures that they took during the surgery (that I already have copies of).  He asked me if I had any complications from recovering from surgery.  Not really, except my uvula was cut, which was painful for a few days and one of my incisions come open a bit.  It healed back okay, so no big deal.  He also thanked me for the letter I sent to his supervisor, stating how pleased I am with his care.  And coming from my old gynecologist I am extremely pleased.

When we started discussing my pain, he told me that he just really isn't sure what it is.  There are no clear signs pointing to what it may be.  (Not sure you want to hear a doctor say they're not sure what it is.)  I did mention that I have been noticing that my pain is worse when my bladder is full.  He said that I could have a small case of interstitial cystitis, but he did not think I had a raging case of it.  He told me he just really was not sure what it was and thought that maybe trying acupuncture may be a good route to go as well.  For the possible interstitial cystitis, he gave me the medicine, Elmiron.  He also suggested the dietary changes.  What you are supposed to do is eliminate those things from your diet and then add them back slowly as your pain is lower to see if it causes your pain to increase.  The click here to see the dietary changes.  If you look at it close enough, you'll start wondering well just what can you eat?  That's where I am now...  Just what am I going to eat?

He also thought that the pool therapy would be a good route to go.  He told me that he was not giving up on me, but just wasn't sure where to go from here.  We will try this medication and see if it works.  We also decided that upping the Cymbalta dosage to 60mg (which has been the goal since I started) over Spring Break just in case I have adverse side effects again.  He also gave me some more pain medications (and a new one).  I hate being on all these medications, but I do not know what other choice I have.  I go back to the doctor on May 10, so we will see what happens.

Hoping For Some Answers, or at Least a Direction

Tomorrow I have my post-operative visit tomorrow.  I do not know what to expect, but I do hope my doctor has an idea of where to go from here.  I'm not sure what tests they may want to do or how long my appointment will end up being.  I am not expecting to walk out with a diagnosis tomorrow, but I am hoping to walk out with some more ideas of what they are going to do to come to a diagnosis.  I do not want to get another condition stuck in my head, so I'm trying to stay open to anything at this point.  I have decided that I do not want to go on another medication just to "see if it works" and then get a diagnosis.  I want a diagnosis first.  Medications can effect your body to much to just play trial and error with them.  I had to learn this the hard way with Lupron.  

I am concerned about not being able to walk for long periods of time.  Our Washington, D.C. trip with the students is in a few weeks.  It is a lot of walking.  My physical therapist told me to make sure I talk to the doctor about this.  I have several questions to ask him at this point.

I have been in more severe pain for the past few days.  I know why my pain has been worse, but it is something I cannot control.  I just hope to get some more answers tomorrow, or at least a direction of where we may be going to discover what this is tomorrow.

I'm Just Tired of Being in Pain

I probably say every day that I hurt or I need to take medicine.  People ask me how I am and I say "hanging in there" or something of that nature, unless it's a close friend.  I hate feeling like I'm complaining or whining.  It's just hard not to say something when doing daily tasks is so hard.  I just wish I could stay in bed most of the day.  The pain exhausts me and activities are hard when you are in pain everyday.  I just don't want people to think I'm depressed or whining.  I know other people have concerns and problems.  I want to address those and be concerned for others.  I want to help with things, but sometimes you have to put yourself first.  I just hope that when I say I hurt people don't think that I am ignoring how they feel.

But I Was Meant to Teach

Some days I wonder, what if I had an office job.  Not saying that office jobs are easy because I know every job has their good points and bad points.  But some days I just think it would be nice just to be able to sit during the day.  I love my job.  I love teaching.  I have never doubted that this is what I was supposed to do.  It's my passion and my heart.  Days like today make me wonder how I will ever make it through though.  I don't have a choice.  If I want to be a good teacher I have to stand up.  I have to move.  My children have to move, which requires me to.  Today we looked at the rate at which things move.  How do you look at that without moving?  Thankfully, my children are as understanding as 5th graders can be.  They help me whenever I need it and I get asked at least once a day by a student that has finished their work if they can help me with anything.  I wouldn't trade my job for the world, but some days when all I want to do is curl up in bed, I wonder why I'm not sitting at a desk.

I went to physical therapy today.  My therapist wants me to start doing pool therapy to try to get me into an exercise program.  I am all for it.  I need to exercise, and when I tried to walk the other day, after 10 minutes I was in so much pain I had to stop.  I don't know that I will be doing my typical therapy anymore after going to the doctor, but I would like to at least try the pool therapy to see where it gets me.  Although, this means I need to go swimsuit shopping, because after all I was about 60 pounds heavier the last time I put my swim suit on.

Which leads me to my next part.  I finally went back to Weight Watchers today.  After 5 weeks, it was about time.  It was nice to go in and hear that I was missed and people were worried about me.  I told them I would never quit - not after losing this much.  I was up 3 pounds.  Well, I guess after going through surgery and not being able to eat anything but ice cream, that isn't too bad.  I've got to get back on it though.  My total is now at 74 pounds instead of 77 before surgery.  I am going to start back tracking again this week and see how it goes.

Tomorrow will be a long day with Beta Club inductions, so I should probably go to bed.  Pain has hovered around a 5 today, even with 1200mg of tylenol. ~sigh~

I've Moved & Update

Well first of all, I have moved my blog from LiveJournal.  I don't know what my main purpose was behind this, besides the fact that I like Google. :)  I have moved all my posts from that blog to this one, so if you are a new reader (not that I think there were many readers to begin with), you can see all my old posts.

It has been a long time since my last post.  And with that there is a lot of updating to do.  First of all, I finished my Lupron injections.  The side effects were not too bad, but not the most pleasant of medications I have ever been on either.  Even though I had lots of hope for pain relief with Lupron, it provided very little.  Because of this my primary gynecologist sent me to a specialist at UNC.  I am soo thankful that she made this decision.  I was sent to the Advanced Laparoscopy & Pelvic Pain Clinic.  I haven't been back to my primary gynecologist, and don't think I will be after my last visit, when she told me my pain was normal during exams.

I was nervous about my first visit to the specialist, only because I would be seeing a male doctor.  I was; however, hopeful that the doctor I was seeing would be able to help my pain.  I have come to really appreciate this clinic.  My doctor is wonderful and helpful, and all of the staff is nice and understanding.  At my first visit, my doctor took my history (even though I could tell he had read my records).  After the exam, he informed me I would need to see a physical therapist.  I was curious about this, since it would be a "women's health" physical therapist.  He also decided to start me on Cymbalta.  He said this was because some people have a nerve condition that make their nerves not turn off the pain signals to the brain.  

I started seeing the physical therapist, and am still going to see her once a week.  I have to say she is wonderful and very friendly, but having a certain type of exam every week isn't very pleasant, although now it doesn't even seem that big of a deal.  I have found out that I have some musculoskeletal issues.  I have a misaligned pelvis bone, and some other issues.  My therapist has really helped with these problems; however, my pain still hasn't gone away.  

Starting the Cymbalta was a rough experience.  I decided to start over Thanksgiving break since I wasn't sure how the medicine would affect me.  At first, it gave me horrible insomnia and nausea.  It also made my jaw tremble, which was a strange feeling.  When I talked to my doctor about this, he gave me some anti-nausea medications (which I am very thankful for now, since the pain causes me to be nauseated sometimes).  The insomnia passed and actually it started helping me with my exhaustion.  I used to wake up and not feel refreshed and be exhausted all the time.  Since starting this, I have noticed that this has been less, although now it has subsided some.  

When I returned to my doctor at the beginning of February, he decided to do surgery to look for endometriosis, since the physical therapy had helped the muscles, but not the pain.  I had a laparoscopic surgery on February 26.  I have to say, if you ever need surgery, you should have it at UNC Women's Hospital, they were all absolutely wonderful!  During surgery, my doctor found a few spots that he biopsied, although they turned out not be endometriosis.  I was so hopeful that this surgery would provide me some pain relief, but yet I am so thankful that I don't have endometriosis.  I am just wondering why I am still in pain.  I will be returning to the doctor on Monday the 29th, and I hope he has a plan for finding out what my pain is being caused by so we can know how to treat it.

I will attempt to keep this better updated now.  I hope that someone may find this blog helpful at least to know that they are not alone.

Sleep is a Precious Thing

So my mother keeps reminding me that the only time your body heals is when you are sleeping. I love to sleep, so this is okay with me. (Although I like to stay up late and sleep in the next day.) It has been really hard for me to fall asleep the past several nights. I toss and turn. I have a million things running through my mind, but most of all I can't get comfortable. If I lay on my right side, it feels like someone is stabbing my hip. I turn some more. Yet, I still can't fall asleep. I have been tossing and turning for two hours or so each night. I hope this eventually goes away. I have also noticed that I have become more anxious about things. I wanted the smoke detector checked, and a new one bought. I had a muscle cramp in my chest for an hour that terrified me. I keep worrying about my dogs, are they okay?, are they wrapped around something and hurting?, are they in the road?. What if's keep going through my mind. I wish I could calm my mind. I hope the anxiety is something that is just because of my hormone change and not because my estrogen has dropped or whatever the cause may be. I do not want to go on anxiety medication, but if it becomes something that gets in the way of my everyday life, I may have no choice but to do it temporarily. I know this is something caused by the Lupron because I have never had these problems before. I still have increased pain levels, but just doing the same old same old with that. Heating pad, rest, and anti-inflammatory medications. I'm heading to bed. Please pray that I can fall asleep easily.

Falling asleep is a struggle

For the past few nights I have had problems falling asleep because of my pain. The Lupron has caused an increase in pain. Sometimes I am fine, other times it will hit me like a ton of bricks and I feel like curling up in a ball. The pain can range from a dull cramping pain, to a sharp stabbing pain. I am having to be careful of the way I sit and lay down because of the pressure. My right side (the one that has been bothering me all along) is the one that is really causing me pain now. The past few nights I have tossed and turned for about an hour before falling asleep. It is so hard to get comfortable without being in a lot of pain. I am still able to manage it with my strong ibeprofen. I have also been experiencing nausea. I am trying not to allow the pain from keeping from doing everything, although I am trying to listen to my body. I am trying to rest as much as possible. When I am able to get comfortable, I sleep as much as possible. I know that I need it! Again, it's just a day by day thing. Tomorrow (well actually today) will be a full week since my first Lupron injection. Still praying that it will take away my pain, I just know it isn't going to come over night.